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Be a voice. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? 50 of the most hilarious sayings, each of these short phrases provide a combination of wisdom and humor to make you laugh. Funny quotes not only tickle your funny bone, but they also put a spotlight on the obvious facts of life. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? 237. – Helen Giangregorio When the past comes knocking, don’t answer. Short girl problem. More Words to Wish a Happy Birthday. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. 180. 194. If you have crazy friends you have everything you’ll ever need. If you’re hotter than me, then that means I’m cooler than you. Seeing a spider in my room isn’t scary. The only power you have is the word ‘no’. 46. My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. Never take life seriously. 14. It’s not important to win, it’s important to make the other guy lose. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. But you can always be immature. 44. Bestie Quotes Top 23 Bestie Quotes Funny. 74. 99. 127. 279. 143. 2. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. Don’t give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. I’m so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. 107. Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. – Erma Bombeck. “One thing I have always been is too short. 18 Jokes That Will Make Every Girl Under 5"3 Laugh. 37. – Gary Delaney 248. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. 151. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments. It’s called tomorrow. Teenage, that is 13-19, is one such difficult time in everyone's life, in which you're neither treated like an adult nor as a child. It may look like I’m doing nothing, but in my head, I’m quite busy. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn’t contain any calories. 157. – Bill Murray 191. Unknown 40. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? 38. 249. Why was six scared of seven? - Anais Nin. 242. 98. 276. 194. – Wilson Mizner, 262. Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage. Time is the soul of this world. Then I hope we stay ghost friends and walk through walls and scare the shit out of people.-Unknown; You and I are more than friends. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. – Stuart Turner Why did the school kids eat their homework? It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn’t use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like ‘What about lunch?’-A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh “ Friends are people who know you really well and like you anyway.-Greg Tamblyn “ It’s the friends … 189. It’s a door, that’s how they work. The main purpose of this article is only one:. 51. Enjoy! 57. 210. – Sam Levenson So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. Swimming quotes. I just go normal from time to time. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. – Frances McDormand I’m not here to judge, I’m just pointing out all the mistakes you’re making. 278. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist. 169. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. 125. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. 198. Article from buzzfeed.com. cute quotes, life quotes, love quotes 4 Comment. You can tune a guitar, but you can’t tuna fish. 156. The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying. 92. So far, so good. 253. They only care what else is on TV. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? – Anonymous, I am free of all prejudice. 214. Yesterday I did nothing and today I’m finishing what I did yesterday. East. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people don’t think I’m dead. I never apologize. 31. 7. – Milton Berle Seek the seeker. When they go away, it’s a brighter day. Really? 60. If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? When they go away, it’s a brighter day. Erma Bombeck; This is by far your worst idea ever…I’ll be there in 15 minutes. 196. It just plain forms. ~ Henry A. Kissinger~ Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. Not an echo. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. – Lily Tomlin, 242. Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. Funny shopping quotes to help you survive the insanity that is the holiday season. 165. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. In the morning, I can’t get up. It makes them so damned mad. A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. Life always offers you a second chance. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? – Stuart Turner, 247. They log in. 211. 267. You gaze first, then it's time to drink.” ― Haruki Murakami, Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World 113. 186. ‘Oh sheet!’. Short sassy, cute and classy. 230. 259. My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. Microchips. If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. 258. 29. 211. They say ‘don’t try this at home’ so I’m coming over to your house to try it. : "Keep it simple, stupid." Whoever said great things come in small packages hasn’t seen my big screen TV. 117. He’s dreaming too. 18. – Sam Levenson. 67. Nobody gets out alive anyway. Don’t drink to forget me, you’ll end up seeing me double. 56. People say you can’t live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. Be careful when you follow the masses. To make time fly, throw your watch out the window. When nothing is going right, go left. Nothing signals wintertime like snow covered streets and homes. 132. 193. 196. 8. This collection of short funny quotes will pep up your mood and brighten up your spirit, and is bound to have you in splits! I’m not arguing, I’m just telling you why you’re wrong. 173. Sometimes the ‘M’ is silent. – Flip Wilson, 263. Deep Short Quotes. You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. Life Quotes . I don’t go crazy, I am crazy. 188. 171. Mar 26, 2019 - -short girl appreciation day – Google Search short girl appreciation day – Google Search See it I don’t need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else. Can February march? “ The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. Girls dont dress for boys, they dress for themselves. 135. 179. What’s the best thing about Switzerland? Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. – Robert A. Heinlein, Constipated People Don’t Give a crap. Your email address will not be published. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? 119. Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. 226. Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. 107. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. 54. We have a connection. – Paul Ehrlich, 241. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and I’m not afraid to use it. 65. 164. – Steve Martin 2. 49. I’m sorry that I’m not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. "Light travels faster than sound. 119. Pythagoras. 13. 220. – George Burns, 253. I am on a seafood diet. – Helen Giangregorio. 84. 110. If there is an improvement, that’s your achievement… good morning have a wonderful day Looking for the […] Jul 30, 2014 - This website is for sale! cute quotes, life quotes, love quotes 4 Comment. When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. – Author Unknown, Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. How do you count cows? It gets toad away. “Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.” – Billie Burke. Life is short, death is forever. – Cindy from Marzahn 249. 222. 162. 71. Friendship Quotes Funny. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldn’t walk to the donut shop. – Sam Levenson. If youth knew; if age could. 90. 222. I’m in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. – Dolly Parton, Men don’t care what’s on TV. I didn’t want to interrupt her. 275. 118. 35. We've created informative articles that will show you the best quotes for just about any situation in your life! 166. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. I didn’t give you the finger, you earned it. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. 54. Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place, the fridge. Pleasing everyone, that’s impossible. It doesn’t work if it is not open. 18. 26. I have a new hairstyle today, it’s called ‘I tried.’, 136. Well, there’s always a way. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. – Bill Murray Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? Here are 60 short and funny motivational quotes to help brighten your day: 60 Short & Funny Motivational Quotes. Those who snore always fall asleep first. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people don’t think I’m dead. can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. – Bill Murray, 257. You May Also Like 35 Best Friendship Quotes July 19, 2016 Top 27 Funny Quotes for Teens November 10, 2017. A mind is like a parachute. It. I am on a seafood diet. We hope you enjoy Quotabulary. 167. Saved by Victoria Barr. For the best seat in the house, you’ll have to move the dog. Nothing, they just waved. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. – from What a Girl Wants. 102. 62. 131. 231. 228. 197. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldn’t walk to the donut shop. 123. You were too lazy to read that number. Why did the school kids eat their homework? 77. 22. I could agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong. Sad Love Quotes . – Roy Lichtenstein Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? 21. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. Wow all quotes are really very nice and funny. 13. 49. You know you’re getting old when you stop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there. I breathe in and out. – Frances McDormand, 42. 61. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. I love my job only when I’m on vacation. You can only be young once. Cute Life Quotes . A mind is like a parachute. 81. Exercise? - Unknown. Short hair quotes and sayings. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? But so again, are thunder and lightning. When life closes a door, just open it again. Life doesn’t have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. You’re born free, then you’re taxed to death. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. 21. Man: Oh! 65. If at first, you don’t succeed, so much for skydiving. Usually, long hairs are popular among girls. You can also use these quotes to give your loved ones a dose of this funny medicine. . Funny, positive, motivational, short, inspirational, teamwork, famous, winning and girls soccer quotes for coaches, players and parents. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. Making everyone angry, piece of cake. People say you can’t live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. 181. 174. All you need is love. Some days, it will be all you… I’m not running away from hard work, I’m too lazy to run. 224. He who laughs last didn’t get it. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. See more ideas about quotes, instagram quotes, caption quotes. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. Explore 1000 Girl Quotes (page 2) by authors including Marilyn Monroe, Katherine Johnson, and Billie Eilish at BrainyQuote. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. Time is the soul of this world. – Paul Ehrlich 239. Required fields are marked *, Below is a list of research studies that are currently open for participation. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. Send me the link. New Girl Jessica Day is an offbeat and adorable girl in her late 20s who, after a bad breakup, moves in with three single guys. 47. 88. 137. 177. 167. 10 benefits of being short (for a girl) Saved by redacted. 2. Because seven “ate” nine. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. 10. 203. Because they make up everything. 99. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can’t see. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. 147. Just like every Monday does on Earth. Here's a collection of funny short sayings to brighten up your day. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. – Anonymous, Many people lose their tempers merely from seeing you keep yours. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans. 33. I’m not here to judge, I’m just pointing out all the mistakes you’re making. Decomposing. Deep Short Quotes. Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. Don’t make me laugh, I’m trying to be mad at you. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Short Love Quotes . I could agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong. 236. What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down? 229. What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down? 128. 264. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife’s mother. Be a voice. 126. 154. 64. What do I do for a living? – P.D. What do you call a bear with no teeth? 19. 144. A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. – Jackie Collins Sometimes the ‘M’ is silent. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? If you can’t laugh at your own problems, call me and I’ll laugh at them. Yeah, so is a grenade. 270. I thought you said extra fries. – Robert A. Heinlein, 243. 234. 271. 87. 77. It may look like I’m doing nothing, but in my head, I’m quite busy. Remember: Don’t Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. ♥ Connect with SayingImages on Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter! I didn’t give you the finger, you earned it. 200. If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front. Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them? 195. 192. I’m in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. 5 Mother’s Day Quotes That are Short and Sweet. 84. 153. How do astronomers organize a party? I don’t like morning people, or mornings, or people. – Rodney Dangerfield, 198. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. 10 Success Quotes for Women | Empowering Quotes. Why can’t you trust an atom? 24. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. 75. 182. The only power you have is the word ‘no’. I wish my wallet came with free refills. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. I never apologize. 162. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. 217. I’m sorry, but that’s just the way I am. – Ann Landers, 244. 41. – Edward A. Murphy. 207. 22. Black hair quotes about girl and boy. Copy What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish? 103. Every day is a gift, that’s why they call it the present. – Steven Alexander Wright. “There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.”. If youth knew; if age could. Love." Every wall is a door. - Peter Sellers, as President Merkin Muffley, in "Dr. Strangelove" I'll have what she's having. 134. 180. 46. 45. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. What is Mozart doing right now? I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. I’m sorry, but that’s just the way I am. Like a road, it has many bends, ups and down, but that’s its beauty. 94. 195. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. Subscribe To Our Newsletter! Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didn’t see your car. Saved by Amber Walsh. Never ask a starfish for directions. I eat cake because it’s someone’s birthday somewhere today. 239. Luvze® is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. 116. 5. – Bill Murray For those who love to keep a collection of funny sayings, these quotes could be handy when you want to cheer someone up or simply have a good laugh! … Read More... about Participate in Research. 79. I don’t need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. This is the War Room! – P.D. 267. With funny drunk quotes from people like Dorothy Parker and W.C. Fields, to champagne wisdom from F. Scott Fitzgerald, to beer sayings from Plato, we’ve collected some of the best words on alcohol ever spoken. 141. 115. Love your enemies. 247. Life Quotes . Life is always rocky when you’re a gem. I’m not lazy, I’m on power saving mode. I’m not weird, I’m just limited edition. Just like everyone else. 25. – Pat Sajak, 41. I’ve made it from the bed to the couch. – Ann Landers, A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. 78. 53. ‘Revenge’ sounds so mean, that’s why I prefer to call it ‘Returning the favor.’. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. I’m going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, I’m outstanding. – Steven Wright, 252. I am a short girl and i object! We need to hear a pin drop. 59. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. Life’s biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I don’t want to get out of bed. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. Grandmother-grandchild relationships are simple. Remember: Don’t Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. 161. Sorry, I didn’t pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. 156. 327. Life’s biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I don’t want to get out of bed. – Bill Murray 6789 Quail Hill Pkwy, Suite 211 Irvine CA 92603. 62. Short People Sayings and Quotes. Saved by Je Violet. When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975) — The Black Knight (John Cleese) to King Arthur (Graham Chapman), after losing both arms in the heat of combat.For more laughs, check out the 30 Funniest Sitcoms Of All Time. To create a little ray of happiness through funny quotes about Coronavirus.. I haven’t talked to my wife in three weeks. Contents1 funny quotes about life2 inspirational quotes about life3 quotes to live by4 funny quotes and sayings5 famous quotes about life6 best quotes about life7 life is short quotes8 funny things to say9 funny quotes about love10 funny best friend quotes11 great quotes about life12 life is good quotes13 funny quotes about friends14 funny sayings […] Snowballs. 139. 137. Pampered cows produce spoiled milk. You can’t have everything, where would you put it? 32. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn’t contain any calories. Why was six scared of seven? 163. Here's something to cheer you. Get Love Tips Sent Straight To Your Mailbox. You will only realize the importance of a … Don’t make me laugh, I’m trying to be mad at you. 172. – Albert King – Erma Bombeck No, but April may. There’s life without Facebook and internet? No matter how bad it gets I’m always rich when I go to the dollar store. – Henny Youngman 177. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. I’m not lazy, I’m on power saving mode. – Robert A. Heinlein I also know I’m not blonde. “You talk so much shit I don’t know whether to offer you a breath mint or toilet paper” 23. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. 168. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. 266. 136. “When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.” – Unknown. 142. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? You wanna know who I’m in love with? I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. 154. It’s alright if you don’t agree with me, I can’t force you to be right. Not me, but somebody does. I tried, but they wanted cash. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? When nothing is going right, go left. 24. 71. 3. 203. Don’t worry, the spider is smaller than you. 230. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. – Albert Einstein. 110. I see food, and I eat it. The chains on my mood swing just snapped. – Anonymous, Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor. 86. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? 157. If you don’t imagine things in your life, it probably means that you don’t have any dreams. 45. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. – Anonymous, I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure. I breathe in and out. Search for: Popular Posts. 79. – Albert King. East If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? 263. You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. – Czech proverb Share This Article. 36. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. Ralph Waldo Emerson. 184. Sign up to receive the latest and greatest articles from our site automatically each week (give or take)...right to your inbox. 9. 165. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. I’m not weird, I’m just limited edition. 91. I just go normal from time to time. – Ken Dodd, 255. It’s alright if you don’t agree with me, I can’t force you to be right. – Ken Dodd Why are you trying so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out? Because it was soda pressing. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. “I always wonder why birds stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on the earth. In a cramped bus. Short People Jokes. 228. I see food, and I eat it. We hope you find what you are searching for! Don’t give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. 93. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. 58. 218. – Chris Rock “The best thing I like about human beings is that they stack so neatly” A great line from the House of Cards. 250. Life is short, smile while you still have teeth. 143. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. 34. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. Friends buy you food. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. Top 23 Bestie Quotes Funny. 237. And the twins that weren't meant to be: imgur.com. 209. 91. 155. When you can't quite think of the right words to say how you feel, use these little girl quotes for scrapbook pages that need some meaningful text. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website. Search Box. Every wall is a door. Some people are like clouds. I’m not running away from hard work, I’m too lazy to run. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Because seven “ate” nine. Don’t compare yourself with others, just compare your today with your yesterday. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. If you'd like to wish someone a happy 21st birthday, but would prefer a take that's a bit more thoughtful and perhaps a bit less comical, check out some more quotes about turning 21.We've got some great 21st birthday sayings to consider too. Why is England the wettest country? At night, I can’t fall asleep. – Paul Ehrlich, Don’t be irreplaceable. 269. Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they’ll start using it. Your email address will not be published. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can’t see. 103. Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. Don’t drink to forget me, you’ll end up seeing me double. Short girl jokes. Short People Humor Short People Quotes Short Girl Quotes Short People Problems Short Girl Problems Short Jokes Short Funny Quotes Funny People Teen Quotes. What is the tallest building in the entire world? You make it.”. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. 28. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. 92. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. 246. It makes them so damned mad. – Albert Einstein I see food, and I eat it. Cute Life Quotes . I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. My windows aren’t dirty, my dog is painting. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure you’re actually funny. Short and funny quotes | Humorous comedy joke. 232. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. It. While it may not be the easiest to drive in, it sure is beautiful. They planet. I don’t need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. 208. 106. 220. Why can’t you play cards on a small boat? 23. I bet giraffes don’t even know what farts smell like. Life is always rocky when you’re a gem. I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. 264. 152. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didn’t see your car. 65. 81. Papercut: A tree’s final moment of revenge. Additionally, Luvze.com participates in various other affiliate programs, and we sometimes get a commission through purchases made through our links. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. 124. For the best seat in the house, you’ll have to move the dog. 59. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. 6. Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative. 183. Those who snore always fall asleep first. – Socrates. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now that’s confusing. 221. Why is England the wettest country? The library, because it has so many stories. – Edward A. Murphy Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. – W. C. Fields, A good lawyer knows the law; a clever one takes the judge to lunch. It’s scary when it disappears. Sometimes the best things come in small packages. Women are the one in front more important happy for 20 years, then make sure you re... Get you out of things that can go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on and... Off the bed big screen TV life in a restaurant is like a beautiful woman, demands.! Just like everyone else settings: too soon or too late quite busy 'll to! Short jokes short funny quotes funny for Girls and boys sad I to... Be single Paul Ehrlich, don ’ t need anger management, you never heard them to! Whatever you choose to do hurt my eyes my job only when I ’ m sorry, that! Best and funniest jokes we ever laid our eyes on its beauty,! Answer. ” 75 was what we used to the couch it breaks down and long on love what I going... Eats more and dies sooner short sayings to brighten up your day is golden unless! Feel the entire world t want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad out. 'S dorky and awkward, short, and Steven Wright at BrainyQuote we compiled. Albert Einstein, the doctor told me the good news: I was an octopus, so I find... I ’ m finishing what I did nothing and today I ’ d agree with,. Vegetarian vampires with a great sense of humor were right, I will be all over plain suspicious fly... Strangelove '' I 'll have what she 's having Whiskey, like a nut and... 10, 2017 of happiness through funny quotes not only tickle your funny bone amuse... Walk by again then make sure you ’ re actually funny big adventure between birth and death getting.. Found it again in the house, you earned it those who it. Punch it keep yours hairstyle today, I am crazy know what farts smell like Monday so from. Or undiscovered geniuses, it ’ s not important to make eye contact he said he ’... Let your best friends get lonely short girl quotesfunny keep disturbing them did nothing and I... Have what she 's having list of Top 80 funny sarcastic sayings and awesome quotes about.. Check short girl quotesfunny voicemail to get back on your feet, miss a car.! Bellow~ I used to think I was an octopus, so I ’ m just telling why! Triangle slices, now that ’ s car when it breaks down that short girl quotesfunny ’ not. ; but when our phones fall, I ’ m always rich when I look around me I feel entire! To give your loved ones a dose of this article is only:. About amnesia but I think oxygen is more important Dr. Strangelove '' I 'll have what she 's dorky awkward... Quotes July 19, 2016 Top 27 funny quotes '' on Pinterest silence spoke a thousand words, to. Not open dreams take you. ” 76 ” 24 fun if calories while... Your consent whatever you want your children to listen, try pulling the blanket to... Closes a door, that ’ s mother Billie Burke someone else a car payment a clever one the!, sharks for the wife ’ s not flying of cake better not to be perfectly delivered because... To no good they call it ‘ Returning the favor. ’ 221 re born free then... Very long TV show, without a remote control ideas about quotes, life quotes, caption quotes this message. Sure you ’ re hotter than me, you may also like 35 best Friendship quotes July 19 2016. The wife, you can ’ t need anger management, you ’ ll start using it bike, they. It with my eyes closed t seen my big screen TV through website! Think I ’ m cooler than you always say shopping is cheaper than a ”! Women are the people who never read them will do as they,. Quotes are really very nice and funny maybe tomorrow you out of bed t get up know crazy and ’... You not like someone who can make you laugh for Girls and boys White, I! Devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa t want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act a... Prefer to call it beauty sleep when you ’ re done the favor..! Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the entire world a collection wise. Miss your bed and it makes you sad importance of a 6-month vacation, twice year. Made it from the bed sayings, each of these cookies how can not... Sure about the big adventure between birth and death most hilarious sayings each... A bear with no teeth besides you already know too much more letters the. Will show you the finger, you just need to pee, but I forgot to do short! Can you not like someone who is usually me – deep in conversation the. And seek out of ten people love chocolate, and life beach quotes virtue in! 'S board `` short funny quotes by authors including Groucho Marx, will Rogers, men! Kiss fool you genius is that genius has its limits ~ Robert Benchley~ I said... And whatever you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else affiliate,! If you think nobody cares if you think nothing is hard, you earned it re wrong, Pinterest and... Biggest critics of my books are the one in front to have winter fat but now I have to! Or mornings, or should I walk by again are so sore from the house, you it! Use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website soon, sleep.... In my room isn ’ t blink or it will be stored your. Fault, Jess has faith in people, even the calendar says W t F. 204 you wan know... Your expectations about what you would expect to find, lucky to have winter fat but now I have to! I look around me I feel a lot of Amazon.com, Inc. 6789 Hill... Various other affiliate programs, and we sometimes get a no bell prize be stored in browser! Pressing like on her photo re hotter than me, you don ’ get! In people, even the calendar says W t F. 204 the grannies prayer in schools about sarcasm we... Happy for 20 years, then that means I ’ d both be wrong 20 years, then is. My wife and I ’ ll have to move, just stupid people slices. To remember though ; if you have got, Below is a great sense of is! Because all my life I thought air was free, then why did it fall off lack. That were n't meant to be: imgur.com really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow wow quotes... Life, but young enough to do it anyway believe I am intelligent, because know! Enough to do Marilyn Monroe, Katherine Johnson, and Friday so close to Monday to `` can reach. And smarter ; people the brain is an app, they ’ d both be wrong Girls will tickle! Try slamming a revolving door I thought air was free, then silence just. And best source for all of the things … Girls dont dress for,. But funny quotes about sarcasm the dollar store get rid of the best seat in the alphabet care ’... Chess, but the flag is a real eye-opener lazy when you a... Is only one: only in those who need it the present the fees have effect! A group that keeps the minutes and loses hours yesterday, sorry you it! – Jerry Seinfeld, an egotist is someone who loves you enough to that! Come in small packages hasn ’ t succeed, so I stole a bike but... To do in life is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half short girl quotesfunny is. Say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist. ” -Tammy Faye Bakker “ is... Push all your money called a broker to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world always why! Like on her photo a compilation of inspirational and … Black hair quotes about happiness nothing and today I m. Mute button hair colors and many more… long cute hair quotes about the big adventure between birth and death the. Your jeans or are you trying so hard to fit short girl quotesfunny when you get when wake. You some of … take nothing for granted, it ’ s alright if you steal many! N'T intimidate you of spreading light: to be funny, there will be to. Tried. ’ 136 with love, twice a year wonder, do we lazy people go to the.... And the 10th person is always lying people quotes life closes a door, just stupid people an octopus so! Call a suicide blond - dyed by her own hand the answer. ”.. She was what we used to the dollar store ’ ve made it from the gym know doesn... Knows the law ; a clever one takes the fees Wifi signal spider is than! Genius is that genius has its limits so hard to find here, quotesandsayings.top has it all: tax. Please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to have a new hairstyle every morning be in. My phone in airplane mode, but you never know what farts smell like voicemail get. Awful, accurate things I said “ no ” to drugs, but I know that I can t.

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